Saturday, January 7, 2012

New Me

Well, I'll give this another go. For the few that follow me, I would like to apologize for dropping off the face of the world wide web, and thank Aunt Kye for making me believe that people actually care about what I have to say. :) We've had a rough few months to say the least, and now that I can have a bit more optimism about things....I'm back to share my daily adventures with those I love.

So I will begin with summing up the last few months.... In March I found out I had Stage 3 Cervical Cancer. I had a pretty big tumor growing into my uterus and since cervical cancer is non aggressive, it looks like it had started while I was pregnant with Caine. Almost three years before. Treatment for this would have been Total hysterectomy with some radiation since it had spread along my pelvic wall. Over. Done. That's it. However, I didn't have medical insurance. make a long story short, I took a chemo-type drug to try to shrink the tumors. 1-2 injections per week from April until August. I lost my hair, some weight and every single bit of my optimism. In the middle of my treatment, Jerry was working 50 hours a week, and doing bouncehouses on the weekends, we moved my parents to East Texas and moved ourselves into my parents home, I was at home 90% of waking hours alone with four kids in 110+ heat, all while driving back and forth to doctors appointments all week and being sick my eyes, the glass was almost empty. I didn't have time to stop to be sick. I just had to throw that ball in the air too.  I was forgetful and cloudy minded. I was in hell. All while Jerry and I walked around and acted like everything was peachy, for the kids' sakes.  Summer was hard. But we made it through and School started. Tatum started her last year in elementary. Student council, choir, and she made first chair in percussion. That girl is pretty amazing. Grace started first grade and is already shining. Math is her favorite. She gets it. That, she did not get from me. And my Cash started Kindergarten. I worried about him. He's not outgoing like the girls..He's shy and sensitive and he' Cash. He's doing really well. It took him a while at first to get used to being away from me, but he enjoys it now. He still says to me every morning as he's getting out of the car, "I will miss you today Mommy."  :)   So that just leaves me and Caine, and we love it! We have a blast! I'm happy that he didn't get the short end of the deal being the fourth. He actually gets my full attention in these crucial years for most of the day. A luxury that I wish that I could have somehow had with Grace and Cash. It's turned him into a bit of a "mama's boy." but that's ok with me too. :)

So back in August I stopped treatments because not only did the medicine do it's job by shrinking the tumors, it completely took them away! Although they won't let me say yet that I am in remission, I can say that I have been cancer free for four and a half months! I now have insurance, and the next Then I can put this behind us. As the temperature cooled,  I regained my strength, and slowly started to regain my spirits. 2011 is over...finally. It's a new year, new goals, new dreams, new me.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Not just another Tuesday...

Today looks like any other Tuesday. Woke up, got the kids ready for school. Field trip money was due today and Grace all the sudden decided that she was too big to bring her lunch so she wanted to buy it. (I think it's just for the ice cream.) Tatum decided to rock the side pony tail and I stopped and got the boys donuts on the way back home. Shhhh....don't tell the girls. I have tons to do today. It's trash day, so that means I get to walk around the house and collect things that all of my little pack rats stuffed in corners and under beds. (they never miss it.) I need to wash sheets and prepare dinner so it's ready for when we get out of T-ball practice tonight. Cash wants to set up his train track when Caine goes down for a nap and Tatum has Choir practice today, so that means extra kids come over after school for snacks and homework until their moms pick them up. Oh...and I need to run to the post office.

Just another Tuesday...except for one I find out what lies ahead for me and my family. Last week the doctor told me I had Cervial Cancer. I know, not the BEST news in the world...but it could be worse. Today, I should get the pathology reports back telling me what stage it's at and a treatment plan. Sigh....I have sooo many emotions about this. For one...I am 29 years old, and this is the second time in my life I have been told I had cancer. B: I don't have time for this. I can't be sick. I have five people who count on me. Who's going to do the laundry, and cook meals...and remember to sign homework folders if something should happen? Three: Nothing is going to happen. This is a little bump in the road...another bump in the road of this path I'm on. It's not like I've never hit bumps before. I am trying to look at the positive. As a woman, if you're going to have cancer...cervical cancer is a good one to get. It's slow progressing. It takes 3-5 years to spread to somewhere they can't cut out. So far we are looking at a hysterectomy and possibly radiation and chemo. I can do that right? Who needs hair?! And THANK YOU GOD that I don't need my girl parts anymore. They have been good to me...but they can have them, especially if they are going to want to cause problems and act up now. So yay, menopause at 30! That should be fun for Jerry. ha! 

So, today...I am going to wash my sheets, pick up the house...and squeeze my kids a little tighter, all with the phone close and pray for the best.

P.S. I didn't mean to get so sappy, so soon. My plan was to rope you all in with my sweet and funny stories of the kids...and then dump all the heaviness on you later. But hey, what's a blog for, right?

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Eleven Years...

Eleven years ago today, I was young and scared. Things in my life weren't working out as planned but I was ready for what was about to come. As I was lying in the bed feeling the most horrific pain of my short life, I was thinking to myself, "Can I do this alone, will I be good enough?" Eleven years ago today, my life was tremendously changed. I became a mother. As I held this precious creature in my arms, I vowed to cherish, love and protect her until the day I died.

Tatum Lynae Callaway (TLC) was born on a sunny, spring day on March 20th 2000 at 11:34 a.m. Weighing 7lbs. 3oz. and 21 inches long. She was and still is, the most beautiful creature that I have ever laid my eyes on. I learned with Tatum. I did things by the book. (wow, how that changes.) I grew up because of her. Overnight I was a responsible adult. Instead of worrying about makeup and nights out, I was worrying about night time feedings and colic. The moment I held her in my arms, I knew this was the way it was supposed to be. God gave me this blessing and I wasn't going to let Him down.

I have made a lot of mistakes over the past elven years, and I can almost bet my left toe I will make more. The poor kid is my guinea pig. (I was first born, I feel her pain.) You don't get a manual, although...I need one now more than ever as I venture into hormonal pre-teen years. Who needs Google when you have Tatum..right?

My precious Tatum is growing into such a wonderful person. She's beautiful, smart, loving, kind, goofy, talented and funny, I am so very proud of who she is becoming. These past eleven years have gone by entirely too fast and have been the very best of my life. I would not have wanted them any other way. I have eleven years of beautiful, cherished, priceless memories and I hope and pray to have many more to come.

When I look at you, I see hope; all my fears go away.
You are the air I breathe, the reason I get up each day.
Thank you for the happiness you bring.
You are my heart, my soul, my everything.
You have given meaning to my life.
Since you've been here, everything is right.
Tatum, you'll never know how much I love you, how much I care.
You can always count on me, I will always be here.
                                                  By:Elizabeth 18yrs.old 3-28-2000


Friday, March 18, 2011

Well, here I am!

Hello blogging world! Here I am. I have been inspired to start a blog....for those of you that live far away and don't get to be involved in the every day going on's in our life. The kids are going through some of the cutest stages of their lives. Funny things come out like word vomit constantly and I like to share. I also feel as if I need some sort of outlet...some sort of journal. This will not be the "I'm so perfect, the kids are so perfect, and I have everything all under control" kind of blog. I'm going to tell it like it is. I am a work in progress. I have good days and I have bad days...I determine these days by if I had time to shower or not. I often pile a lot of things onto my plate wondering how it's all going to get eaten.  People say to me all the time, "wow, you have four kids! I don't know how you do it."  Neither do I. I know that I do it because I want to and I do it because I love them. I'm not the most perfect of mothers...but I'm the best one they've got. Hopefully none of them need therapy because of me.

If anyone should actually care what I have to say, please feel free to follow my daily babble. I love feedback. I feel by doing this is a huge step for me...I know now that I'm not the only one that can laugh, cry, stumble, fall and then pick my self right back up again every single day.